#1622 scor: 6 [+|-] din 38 voturi (22+/16-) | postat: Miercuri, 31 Martie 2010 8:18 în Diverse | Tweet this
A boy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing what boys and girls do on back roads some distance from town, when the girl stopped the boy.
"I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex." The boy reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing.
After a cigarette, the boy just sat in the driver's seat looking out the window. "Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl.
"Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25."
traducere pentru aia care nu stiu engleza (by request repetat in comment-urile de la reputatie)
era unu care si-o tragea cu o gagica pe un drum de-asta rural,destul de departe de oras
in focu' pasiunii tipa il opreste pe baiat si-i zice : am uitat sa-ti zic,eu sunt de fapt curva si te costa 20$ numaru'
asta scoate douaj de dolari,ii da,i-o trage si cand au terminat treaba in loc sa plece spre orash,statea si se holba la gagica
asta ii zice : pai.....nu mergem?
la care tipu' raspunde : am uitat sa-ti zic,eu de fapt sunt sofer de taxi si drumu pana-n oras te costa 25$
P.S. nu stiti engleza,treaba voastra,nu sunt eu responsabil sa va invat limbi straine,cititi in ce limba stiti,restu'......nu cititi
#1623 scor: 0 [+|-] din 38 voturi (19+/19-) | postat: Miercuri, 31 Martie 2010 8:24 în Diverse | Tweet this
@sharpe Iar te arsara?
A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. While they were walking through the barn, the farmer's mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law in the head, killing her instantly.
At the funeral service a few days later, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by. The pastor noticed that whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head "yes" and say something. Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer, he would shake his head "no" and mumble a reply.
Curious, the pastor later asked the farmer what that was all about. The farmer replied, "The women would say, 'What a terrible tragedy,' and I would nod my head and say, 'Yes, it was.' The men would ask, 'You wanna sell that mule?' and I would shake my head and say, 'Can't. It's all booked up for a year.'"
#1624 scor: 4 [+|-] din 36 voturi (20+/16-) | postat: Miercuri, 31 Martie 2010 8:31 în Diverse | Tweet this
- Ce face un licurici cand ia viagra?
- Devine neon.
#1625 scor: 11 [+|-] din 39 voturi (25+/14-) | postat: Miercuri, 31 Martie 2010 8:34 în Diverse | Tweet this
@vlad_ionut : unii sunt frustrati,n-am ce le face
A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?"
The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there's three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions."
"Onions?" asks the boy.
"Yes," said the father, "you see them and they make you cry."
This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mom, how many kinds of willies are there?"
The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In his twenties, his willie is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is a birch, flexible but still reliable. After his fifties, it is like an old Christmas tree."
"A Christmas tree?"
"Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only."
#1626 scor: 4 [+|-] din 36 voturi (20+/16-) | postat: Miercuri, 31 Martie 2010 10:05 în Diverse | Tweet this
Erau odata doua baloane prin desert, un balon ii spune celuilalt: "Uite un cactusssssssss".
Cum se sterge Adrian Copilu Minune la fund?
...
Aleargă prin iarbă !
-John!
-Da sir!
-Bomboanele au maini si picioare?
-Nu sir!
-Of, iar am mancat gandaci!
Doi homosexuali adopta un copil si il trimit la scoala. In prima zi toti copii isi bat joc de el si ii spun: Ha,Ha, Ha, tu nu ai mama, ai 2 tati. A doua zi la fel, iar in a treia zi le-a zis copilul :a zis mama sa-i sugeti p***!!!
Doi savanti se intalnesc pe strada.
-Nu stiu de ce schiopatez.
-Pentru ca umbli cu un picior pe trotuar si cu celalalt pe sosea!
Don Corleone se afla pe patul de moarte. In jurul lui toti capii adunati pentru ultima dorinta. La un moment dat:
-Don Giorgio, Don Giorgiio...
-Da, Don Corleone.
-Ia piciorul de pe furtunul de oxigen!!!!
#1627 scor: 3 [+|-] din 35 voturi (19+/16-) | postat: Miercuri, 31 Martie 2010 10:08 în Diverse | Tweet this
Sotia catre sot:
-Draga ce-ti place mai mult la mine ? Corpul meu sau chipul meu angelic ?
Sotul:
-Imi simtul tau al umorului...
#1628 scor: 11 [+|-] din 45 voturi (28+/17-) | postat: Joi, 1 Aprilie 2010 12:45 în Scoala | Tweet this
Banc de Balcescu [Braila]:
Einstein si ceilalti savanti ai fizicii se jucau de-a v-ati ascunselea prin Rai. Einstein isi astupa okii si numara pana la 100 in timp ce ceilalti se ascund prin Rai. Termina asta de zis acolo si se duce sa-i caute. Il gaseste pe Newton. Einstein: Te-am scuipat!
Newton: Ba nu!
Enistein: Cum nu? De ce ?
Newton: pai ia uita-te tu jos,sub mine. ce vezi?
E: pamant.
N: asa. si pe pamant ce e?
E:un patrat.
N:asa. si kti metri are latura patratului?
E: 1m.
N: Pai vezi? Este Newton pe metru patrat. Deci l-ai scuipat pe Pascal. =))))
#1629 scor: -2 [+|-] din 34 voturi (16+/18-) | postat: Joi, 1 Aprilie 2010 2:09 în Diverse | Tweet this
ca semn de solidaritate cu sharpe:
Two men are fishing on a riverbank when they see a funeral procession passing by. One of the men stands up, takes off his hat, and bows.
"That was a very nice thing to do," says the second man.
"Well," sniffles the first, "we were married for 25 years."
A widow goes on her first date since her husband's death, and afterward the two end up back at her place. Once in the bedroom, she takes off everything but her black panties.
"You can touch me anywhere else," she says, "but down there I'm still mourning."
"I figured as much," says the man. He then proceeds to pull down his pants and put on a black condom. "If you don't mind, I'd like to offer my deepest condolences."
"Doctor, won't you please kiss me?" asks the patient.
"No. You're a very beautiful woman, but it's against my code of ethics," replies the doctor.
"Please, just one kiss," she pleads.
"Sorry," says the doctor. "It's totally out of the question. I shouldn't even be fucking you."
#1630 scor: 2 [+|-] din 40 voturi (21+/19-) | postat: Joi, 1 Aprilie 2010 2:39 în Diverse | Tweet this
O tipa se duce la doctor si-i zice:
- Dom’ doctor, nu stiu ce am ca toate ma dor. Daca apas aici (si apasa pe picior) ma doare, daca apas aici (apasa pe piept) doare. Doare chiar daca apas aici (si apasa pe frunte).
- Nu va suparati, zice doctoru’, sunteti blonda natural?
- Da, de ce?
- Stiam eu! Apropo, aveti un deget rupt.
O femeie cauta o carte in bibloteca.
Sotul o intreaba:
- Ce cauti draga?
- Stii unde-i cartea aia “Cum sa traim pana la 140 de ani” ?
- Da, tocmai am aruncat-o…
- De ce ?
- Incepuse ma-ta s-o citeasca !
#1631 scor: 5 [+|-] din 37 voturi (21+/16-) | postat: Joi, 1 Aprilie 2010 9:16 în Diverse | Tweet this
De Paşte, Bulă îi aduce învăţătoarei un coş cu doi iepuraşi. Învăţătoarea comentează:
- Bulă, sunt superbi! Cum i-ai prins?
Bulă raspunde:
- F*tându-se!
avem: 2550 bancuri (1864>0 450<0 236=0), 0 unconfirmed, 112531 votes (65594 pozitive 46937 negative)